The Soap They Tried To Ban On Account Of
Adverse Skin Reactions
(court case pending)
WELCOME TO ST.GAYS WHERE A CARING TEAM OF DOCTORS AND NURSES OBSERVE THE 3 D'S: DUTY, DEDICATION, DISCIPLINE!
warning: this is not to be taken seriously.
Who's Who At St Gays? Meet just some of the staff that breathe life into this charitable hospital:
Above, Top Doctor, Jake Swat (far left) has no idea what awaits him when he agrees to leave his native Australia to take over the running of St Gays Hospital in Soho. His partner, Brett Pip (right) is less than happy with the move, but throws himself wholeheartedly behind Jake. Unfortunately, he's the impulsive sort and apt to choose the wrong moment. Here Jake, still in shock from having Brett throw himself behind his legs, aka Jackass fashion, as he performed open heart surgery, causing him to hurl the organ into the air, where it stuck to the ceiling and had to be poked down with a brush handle, makes clear what awaits Brett (note the flat of hand) when he's finished putting the heart (cupped in his right hand) back into the patient's chest cavity.
Gays psychiatrist, Harvey Firmbutkind, is the strong silent type; he has an ear for everyone's troubles. He's opted for a quiet life with his pet gerbil, Alfred, after the tragic death of his wilful brat, Mustapha Tantrum, from a caffeine and sugar overdose. Harvey blames himself for not being a toppy enough Top. An emergency admission to St Gays could very well end his lonely loneliness.
Oh Shit! Paramedic, Tommy B. Goode (above left) has been caught breaking a golden rule. He used the blue light on his ambulance to jump a red light in order to catch up with an ice cream van and buy himself forbidden fruit, in the form of a vanilla 99 with choccy sprinkles! His three Tops, doctors Hughey, Dewey and Lewey (below right) are not impressed.
Jake is going to have his work cut out keeping the naughty Thompson Triplets, Harry, Gary and Barry, in line. Student Doctors, Harry and Gary (above) convince their radiologist brother, Barry, that they've carried out radical sex changing surgery on him as he slept.
Bob Dom (left) and his cousin Simon Masterme run the hospital canteen and are both into BDSM, though neither has yet quite got the hang of it. Here they are realising that one of them should have remained untied. Simon is not chuffed at the prospect of being found by Matron when she opens the airing cupboard to get fresh sheets.
Nurse Bill Crossover (seen above trying to date a soldier) wants to find the man of his dreams, settle down and raise babies. Doctor Phil Good would seem the perfect match, he has access to babies and has a thing for chicks with dicks, but alas, he's just not Bill's type.
Paediatric consultant, Doctor Phil Good (below right) is a bit of a quack. Unbeknown to everyone he has no real medical qaulifications and is in fact on the run from a ruthless eiderdown manufacturer.
Doctor Richard Dick (above left) Known as Dicky Dick to his friends, of whom he has none. He’s arrogant, self important and furious that Jake Swat got the prime boss job at St Gays. He sees himself as a superior top surgeon to Jake. His partner, nurse Larry Lickit (below right) isn't above sneaking around to uncover dirt for Dick to use against people.
Sexy student nurse Samantha Goodbody (above left) has the hots for Matron, Sara Strict (below right) who alas is married only to her work and is convinced she's straight anyway. Sara runs a tight ship, here she rollicks a patient for getting better without her permission. Can Sam make a woman out of Matron?
Porter, Hardy Anthrobbing (seen above left stroking his own nipple) fancies himself as a man's man; he likes to play the field, leaving a trail of broken hearts. No man is safe from his advances, or his after-shave, which is registered as a chemical weapon. Rumour has it that he's even been known to fix dates with the occupants of trolleys he's wheeling to the morgue.
EPISODE TWO: Jake and Brett are still heading for England.
EPISODE THREE: High drama at St. Gays as Jake and Brett continue to head for England.